


conversations in the dark

by maybemaybenottt



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29742054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybemaybenottt/pseuds/maybemaybenottt
Summary: Buck's apartment is too lonely. So he goes home.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 396





	conversations in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> [Title is from the song of the same name by John Legend.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUD2GxTeVcI&ab_channel=JohnLegend)

Buck arrives at Eddie’s house under a cloud.

The mood had snuck up on him quietly. Crept along the floorboards with the cool breeze, curling around his toes and settling beneath the soles of his feet. He sat down on his bed, looked around the apartment and tried to find the source of the feeling, but the truth was, he saw it everywhere. Saw it in the blank walls. In the way every inch of the place was clean, like it was barely lived in at all. 

Loneliness lurked in every empty corner, waiting for nights where he sat here all alone, no barrier between him and his thoughts, to work its way into him and settle in his chest. He shivered. Wanted desperately to escape from the ache of it beneath his ribcage.

So grabbed his keys and a jacket, and headed in the direction of the person who always seems to do a good job of remedying that. 

The door swings open now, revealing a kind smile and a raised eyebrow, and the only explanation he can seem to put into words is, "My apartment is cold."

Eddie takes it; gesturing for Buck to come inside.

The relief he imagined he'd feel the minute he sets foot in the entryway doesn't come. Instead, as he looks around the room, he can’t help but feel as if the house is mocking him. The framed family pictures dotted around the room show him a glimpse into the kind of life he _doesn't_ have. Each smiling face -Eddie's, Christopher's, even his own- seems to laugh at him. As if the walls have decorated themselves to tease, show him exactly what he's missing out on in his own empty apartment.

He turns away quickly, instead heading straight for the sliding back door, stepping out into the cool night air in his socks. He hears Eddie's own footsteps following, feels the weight of his questioning gaze on his back. He pretends not to notice. Sits down on the porch swing and stares up at the moon instead. 

"It's probably colder out here than it is in your apartment, you know," Eddie says, taking the seat next to him.

Buck shrugs. "It's nicer out here." Away from the closed in walls with all too seeing eyes. Ones that he's sure could tell the way his heart flutters every time Eddie looks at him for a bit too long. He doesn't trust them to keep his secrets.

Eddie nods, and follows Buck's gaze upwards towards the sky. 

"You know, I heard there was supposed to be a meteor shower later this week," Eddie says. "I don't think we'd be able to see it though, with all the light from the city."

Buck hums in acknowledgment. They sit in silence for a few moments longer before Eddie speaks again.

"You don't seem like yourself tonight."

Buck turns his head and is met with narrowed, concerned eyes looking back at him. He had considered lying, pretending he was just tired in order to allow himself to sit here in silent contemplation. But those eyes seem to have a way of pulling the truth right out of him.

"I think the problem is that I feel a bit too much like myself, actually." He says.

Eddie frowns. "What do you mean by that?"

"I dunno, I just-” Buck sighs. “Everyone else around me has these other lives, you know. They're fathers and mothers, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives." He looks down at his hands. "I'm just me."

"What, like that's not enough?" 

The words are quiet when they fall from Eddie's mouth, but the intensity of them catches Buck off guard.

“Sometimes it feels like it isn’t.” He says honestly. 

“Buck.” Eddie shifts, turning to the side to look at him straight on, and Buck looks up to meet his eyes. “You’re more than enough. You’re an amazing firefighter, amazing friend -best one i’ve ever had- amazing brother to Maddie, and role model to my kid.” Buck feels his heart lift a little bit in his chest. Eddie continues on. “Maybe you don’t have some other title, maybe you are 'just Buck'. But _Buck_ is all of those things combined.” Eddie takes his hand, squeezing it, as if to pour every word into Buck with a simple touch until he has no choice but to believe them. “You’re the best person I know.”

A small smile slowly creeps across Buck’s face. “Other than Chris.”

Eddie chuckles. “I feel like that’s a given.”

Buck laughs. Pauses, before asking, “Do you really mean all of that?”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

Buck thinks for a moment, before shaking his head. 

“You don’t have to be anything more than you already are.” Eddie pauses, before adding, “I _love_ the person you are, right here, right now.”

Buck sucks in a small breath. Searches Eddie’s face for any trace of insincerity, but there isn’t any. There never is. 

Still, he asks, “You do?” Just to be sure. 

Eddie nods. “I do.”

They stare at each other for a moment longer, and for the first time all night, Buck feels himself settle. No worries about the future or what ifs bouncing around in his head. He’s completely in this moment with Eddie, looking into his eyes and feeling like he could make a home there. 

Buck thinks of the house; the pictures on the wall, showing him the life he's just on the outside of, and he suddenly feels the overwhelming urge to jump right into it.

When he finally crosses the distance and pulls Eddie in for a kiss, Buck doesn't feel the explosions of heat or bursting fireworks like he was expecting. Rather, it's quite the opposite. It's relaxing and sweet. There's no rush, no possibility that this will be their first and last. No, the kiss is a promise of many more to come. 

Eddie kisses back, and Buck is content.

Eddie pulls back, but doesn't go far. "Don't go home," he whispers. "Stay."

_I am home._ Buck thinks. _You've always felt like home._

"I'm not going anywhere," he says.

They sit there for a while longer, trading kisses. When they finally stumble back in through the patio door, he realizes that perhaps the house was never mocking him after all. Rather, it was just trying to give him a little push. 

Now, it's quiet. Settled. Satisfied. It surrounds him with warmth, from his head to his toes, and simply says _Welcome home._

**Author's Note:**

> [come chat with me on tumblr! @deareddie](https://deareddie.tumblr.com/)


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